Tongue In Cheek: Domain Dilemmas

Have you tried to invent a company name recently? Of course, the first necessity of any company name is the requirement that you can register the dotcom domain.

After all, what good is a company if it's not going to turn you into a trillionaire, and how can you become a trillionaire if you don't even own your own dotcom.

I never expected miracles. I never expected to discover that hadn't been registered and that I was going to be able to register it and instantly sell it off and become a millionaire.

By the way, you wouldn't even get by with (for those who don't like it quite so hot), or even (eskimo pornography maybe?) because they've both been registered too.

For those entrepreneurs out there though, you can snap up (for those who don't even like it warm) and (a competing eskimo pornography site?).

Not that I've been checking of course.

No, I would have been happy with some obscure word that nobody has ever used before. Preferably it wouldn't be overly long and I'd like the dictionary not to define it as the ‘cannibalisation of one's offspring'.

Out of interest, if you are into cannibalism, you're already too late for,, as well as (for those man eaters who can't spell).

So I opened up my dictionary. Of course, being an Internet company, I started with ‘e' figuring that would probably be worth an extra couple of million in the IPO.

I found a couple of nice words. Excogitate doesn't exactly roll of the tongue but according to my Macquarie it means to think out, devise or invent. Unfortunately Excogitate Solutions has nabbed that one.

Ebullient means seething or overflowing with fervour and enthusiasm. Gone.

At this point, I accepted that there are people out there with a better grasp of the English language than I. That, or they were quicker to their dictionaries. So I decided it didn't matter so much if a word didn't have an ideal meaning.

So I tried exegesis which is a critical interpretation of Scripture. No luck.

Escarp is the inner wall of a ditch surrounding a rampart. Taken. Exogamy is the custom of marrying outside your tribe.

I guess in these days of mixed marriages I needn't have even bothered checking. I started to get desperate.

I decided I was going to have to be flexible on the whole cannibalisation issue. So I tried execrable. It means detestable and abominable, but with luck no one will look it up.

Nope, someone had registered that one too. Exequies are funeral rites. Gone.

I tried making up words. Emant, emush, espore. Nothing. Then at last I found one - exocrine. I hadn't yet checked the meaning, but it could hardly be any worse than execrable.

Or so I thought. It means external secretion and I decided I wasn't quite that desperate... yet.

How about putting some numbers behind the ‘e'. Well, someone has actually registered e1 all the way through to e220 (except they missed e219, now there's an opportunity!)Forget about the e I decided, so I tried words like carapace, which is a shell covering some or all of the dorsal part of an animal. I tried knurl which is a small ridge. I tried every blasted word in the dictionary and nothing. Actually I exaggerate. I could have registered, which is ‘turning the plane of polarisation of light to the left', but I decided it was unwise to go with a word I couldn't pronounce.

If you can pronounce it, it's all yours. So I tried making up more words, figuring I could give a celebrity a slice of the company in return for them using that word every time they are interviewed.

Except clong, fubble, glite and mouf were all registered. Then I notice that skate is the only word in the dictionary beginning with the letters s,k,a, yet skank, skape, skale, skamp, skart, skade and skand all have owners. In the end I just hit the keyboard in frustration.

As if by divine intervention, the letters kjfg appeared on my monitor. Ahh, surely fate had smiled on me. Alas, it was a cruel joke, turns out fate has already registered

Who needs to own their dotcom anyway?

Philip Sim is CEO of enthdegree and no, he does not own the dotcom.