Figuring sales is where the money is, Sim this month hawks the latest year 2000 fix. He is on commission only, so call now!
SIM: [To Camera] "Ladies and Gentlemen, do we have a very special offer for you today. Do you have a computer lying around the house, or indeed anything that looks like it might work with the aid of a computer -- things like a video recorder or a microwave. If so then you're going to love this product."
[Turn to Interviewer] "Ann Maree, do you have a problem with the millennium bug?"
INTERVIEWER: "Not yet Phil, but I think I'm going to. In fact, isn't the entire world going to come grinding to a screeching halt come the year 2000."
SIM: "Maybe, Ann Maree, but not if we can help it. Yes, we all hate those pesky little millennium changes that threaten to throw our computers in chaos."
INTERVIEWER: [Aggravated] "They're so annoying!!"
SIM: "The amazing thing is that we still don't really know exactly how much trouble these cheeky little bugs are going to cause?"
INTERVIEWER: [Laughing] "I've even heard jumbo jets will start falling out of the sky."
SIM: "That's right Ann Maree. So when I tell you this product is a life saver, you'll know I'm not kidding. What we have here is a world first. The Millennium Bug Repellent. Up until now, you've had to be pretty technical to know how to rid yourself of the millennium bug."
INTERVIEWER: [Perplexed] "Then I'm in trouble, Phil, because I can't even program my microwave."
SIM: "Somehow, I thought that might be the case Ann Maree. But it's not just the fact that it's sooo hard to do, exterminating the millennium bug is time consuming. Ann Maree, do you know there are programmers out there that are manually looking through billions of lines of codes looking for this pesky little critter."
INTERVIEWER: [Amazed] "Wooooow."
SIM: "You just know that has to be a pain in the neck. Well, no more. The Millennium Bug Repellent is as simple and easy as wiping down the kitchen bench. Look. Over here we have an older style PC with some software that's getting on a little. This is exactly the type of machine that is going to be absolutely riddled with millennium bugs."
INTERVIEWER: [Disgusted] "Oooooh, keep it away."
SIM: "Don't fear Ann Maree. We'll have this little 486 millennium bug free in a matter of minutes. Now the best idea is to take the casing off the PC so we can get into all those hard-to-get-to corners and under all the processors. Then you simply spray [Spray PC]. Give it a good work over, so you'll need more repellent and I'll make more money. Now try turning on the PC Ann Maree."
INTERVIEWER: [Turns on the PC] "It doesn't seem to be working Phil."
SIM: "Exactly, your computer can't die in the year 2000 because you've killed it in 1999. So you're forced to upgrade to year 2000 compliant systems, and voila -- no more millennium bug. This product is guaranteed to work on everything from your Palm Pilots to mainframes."
INTERVIEWER: "That's simply amazing, Phil. But I bet you a solution like that would cost the earth, at least as much as a team of consultants and COBOL programmers."
SIM: "Amazingly not, Ann Maree. It's only $9.99 a can. And that's not all. For the first 400 people to call we'll throw in these amazing X-Ray glasses. So be Quick!!!"
Believe it or not, a Victorian company called Millennium Marketing has actually released a Millennium Bug Repellent. It can be reached at (03) 5529 2579. Operators are standing by their phones.