On the Wrong Side of the Dotcom Tracks

We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming to bring you a special episode of America's favorite talk show, The Jerry Spranger Show...

Audience: "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"

Jerry Spranger: "Hi. And welcome to a very special episode of The Jerry Spranger Show. Today, we are in Hong Kong to examine a topic that is close to the hearts of many of our Asian viewers - the end of the dot-com dream and the effect that it is having on today's youth.

"Our first guest is Detergent Wong, a business development manager recently laid off when his dot-com company, GetReallyRichReallyQuick.com, declared bankruptcy. Detergent, how are you doing?"

Detergent Wong: "Thanks, Jerry. I'm doing fine, considering the current situation."

Jerry: "Yes, let's talk about that situation, Detergent. Can you tell us what exactly happened?"

Detergent: "Sure, Jerry. Basically, I was hired to build up our relationships with other dot-com companies. It was my job to identify and develop the strategic partnerships we needed to succeed."

Jerry: "I see. So, tell us what happened next."

Detergent: "Well, after the market correction in April, venture capital became a lot scarcer and our CEO told us to cut back on spending. Of course, we had to keep spending on our advertising plan, which included putting advertisements with our CEO's face on thirty-six buses. But even that brilliant strategy didn't help. By the end of July we were almost out of money. And then...and then...I was laid off." (Starts sobbing.)Audience: "Awwwww..."

Jerry (resting his hand on Detergent's shoulder): "Was that when your girlfriend, Lollipop, left you?"

Detergent: "Yes, Jerry. (still sobbing) I still love her and I'm still hoping that we'll get back together someday but...but..."

Jerry: "But what?"

Detergent: "I think she might be seeing another man..."

Jerry: "Well, let's bring her out and see what she thinks about this chain of events."

Audience: "Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!"

(Lollipop Cheung walks out onto stage holding hands with Tagheur Tsang, the CEO of the dot-com that laid off Detergent.)Detergent (jumping to his feet, angry):

"Hey! What the heck is this!?! What are you doing with him!? How could you run off with him after what he did to us, you (beep!)." (Jerry's bouncers spring into action, separating Detergent from Lollipop and Tagheur)Lollipop Cheung:

"Listen, boy. I'm no five-dollar (beep!) you no-good, no-job-having son of a (beep). You can't even hold down a job and you're talking to me about who I should and shouldn't be with? Hey, my man takes care of me properly -- something you obviously can't do.

"He even gave me a job, la!"

Detergent (stunned): "He what!?"

Audience: "Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!"

Jerry: "Hold on a second. Please, sit down people. That's right. Let's take our seats. Good. Now, let's ask Tagheur about this. Is it true that you've offered Lollipop a job at your company?"

Tagheur Tsang: "Please, call me Tag, Jerry."

Jerry: "OK, Tag. Is it true that Lollipop is now working at GetReallyRichReallyQuick.com?"

Tag: "Yes, that's right, Jerry. We had been dating for about a week and then I realized how much value she could add to the company. Besides, we really needed to hire someone that could help us do business development for the company."

Jerry: "I see. Isn't that the same job that Detergent was doing?"

Tag: "Yeah, that's right."

Jerry: "But then why lay off Detergent when you still needed someone to do business development for your company?"

Lollipop: "Because he's useless, la! That's why. He won't even take me to Green Spot in Happy Valley! He just wants to sit at home and watch those Qing dynasty dramas on ATV! So boring, la!"

Audience: "Ha, ha, ha..."

Jerry: "Hold on a second Lollipop, we'll get to that in a minute. First, I want to hear from Tag why he laid off Detergent when he still needed a business development person..."

Tag: "It's simple, Jerry. We are in a very fast-paced market and we have to constantly analyze our business model and re-align our resources in line with market sentiment to ensure that we can manage our burn rate and deliver on our value-added objectives.

"We had to lay off Detergent and several other of our staff when the market sentiment dipped and we were afraid that our capital might not be sufficient to continue operating. But after selling additional shares on the stock market, we raised enough capital to continue our aggressive business expansion.

"Layoffs are just part of the cost of doing business in the dot-com world."

Jerry: "I see, that's very interesting. But shouldn't you have taken these factors into account when you hired Detergent and the others in the first place? It seems to me that would be a sign that the senior management hasn't done a good job managing the company."

Tag: "Actually, Jerry, that's not possible. You see, I have a bachelor's degree in computer science and an MBA from a prestigious Ivy League school in the U.S.

I also have several years of experience in management consulting and investment banking in the Greater China region. By that, you can tell that I am surely well-qualified to run a business."

Lollipop: "Of course, la! He also drives a new Porsche! Detergent always takes the bus! So, boring, la!" (puts her arm around Tag and kisses him on the cheek.)Detergent: "Hey! Just because someone drives an expensive car or has a degree from a well-known university that doesn't necessarily make them a genius.

What's most important is the vision and the strategy. Tagheur and his company are only interested in making quick money..."

Jerry: "Yes, but wasn't that what attracted you to the company in the first place? And look where that got you..."

Audience: "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"

Join the newsletter!

Error: Please check your email address.
Show Comments