What's so funny about information security? A lot if you read some of the bios that security experts have written about themselves in the official Black Hat conference guide. A tip of the Black Hat to the funniest excerpts from the official bios:

Rod Beckstrom, director of the National Cyber Security Center in the U.S. Department of Homeland Security, in addition to a million other things written in his bio, says in 2003 before his current job "he co-founded a peace network of CEOs which initiated Track II diplomatic talks between India and Pakistan. This group took symbolic actions which led to opening the borders to citizens, trade and contributed to ending the recent Indo-Pak war."

Makes you wonder, does a peace network of CEOs wear tie-dyed T-shirts and bellbottoms?

Ivan Buetler, co-founder of Compass Security AG, says in his spare time, he "heads up the annual Hack&Learn Wargames Switzerland."

Maybe he needs to talk to Rod Beckstrom and get into that CEO peace network.

Yuriy Bulygin, Russian-born security expert, says he "so enjoyed watching Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant burn at age 7, he decided to learn how things work and why they fail." Talk about incentives...

Kevin Stadmeyer, who works in security testing at Trustwave, describes himself as having expertise in "training and a variety of fine English gins." That's the kind of expert we want at our editorial parties...

Justin Clarke, principal consultant with Gotham Digital Science, describes himself as a "compulsive tinkerer, he can't leave anything alone without at least trying to see how it works."

Nitesh Dhajani, a senior manager at Microsoft, is "the actual reincarnation of Dawkins' spaghetti monster," according to his bio.

Arian Evans, director of operations at WhiteHat Security, in a rather lengthy bio, concludes by informing us that he "likes combining mountains, mistresses, martinis and motorcycles." Hope he lives to make it to the next Black Hat.

Richard Thieme, author, says he is "happily contributing to the MUFON History Project documenting the response of the government to UFO phenomena in the 1940s and 1950s." OK, maybe he should check with Rod Beckstrom at Dept. of Homeland Security; that's what he's there for...

Brian Martin, Nessus subject matter expert with Tenable Security, is a "champion of small misunderstood creatures." No further details though...

Luis Miras, independent security researcher, says "when he isn't head down in IDA or a circuit board, you will likely find him boarding down some sweet powder." Is that with Arian Evans and those mistresses on the slopes. Or another kind of sweet powder? Never mind...

Marco Slaviero, associate at SensePost, says "he has not slept since his early childhood."

Shawn Moyer, CISO at Agura Digital Security, says he is "currently working on a slash fanfic adaptation of 2001: A Space Odyssey, told from the perspective of Hal9000. He only accepts friend requests on Facebook if they include a DNA sample and a scanned copy of a valid driver's license or passport." There is hope for our young people after all.

Nathan Hamiel, senior consultant at Idea Information Security, says he "spent much of DefCon 15 without shoes and is planning ahead this year with a defense-in-depth approach that includes failover footwear."

Jeroen Van Beek, security consultant, says besides security he likes "sleeping, drinking, wine, the sun and fast red Italian motorcycles." Another rat-pack security dude running on the slopes...