Dear Mr. Seidenberg:

My name is Bill Baker and I am writing this letter in an attempt to get an executive position with Verizon as your directly reporting subordinate.

Yes, I do understand that my approach is a bit unorthodox but I assure you that I am eminently qualified for the position I am applying. To date I have been an early-stage entrepreneur relentlessly pursuing that elusive "next big thing," but as the New Year dawns upon us I have decided to take a different career approach, which is to become one of your Executive Vice Presidents of IPTV/Content Programming.

First and foremost, I applaud your decision to enter the stale old world of content distribution; new and competitive blood is a welcomed relief. That "voice" thing served you (and us) well for over a century, thank you very much. High-speed Internet access seems to be running out of steam (or profits). Wireless is getting highly competitive. So, it is time to move onto greener pastures and IPTV is as green as it gets.

For info, I have been a customer/consumer of cable content for over two and a half decades. Remember SelectTV? Yup, I got on board very early and I loved my then-new cable TV; all of those new and exciting shows, compelling content and My MTV. Cable TV was everything regular TV was not. I just wish I had made an investment or two.

Then came in the suits and ruined it for us all. You know the ones -- Harvard/Wharton MBAs with their financial models, demographic studies and superficial Hollywood connections trying to extract more dollars from us, the unsuspecting public.

"Packaging" and "co-branding" became the new cable TV mantra and we all swallowed it hook, line and sinker.

"Yes sir, Mr. Baker," said the friendly sounding sales person. "We have a package that will save you lots of money and give you the choices you want," went the sales pitch. How could I know this was the new snake oil con.

Later, much later, I realized that their original sales pitch was actually a post-hypnotic seed; a mental portal if you will that would allow them to always control me, as they did.

Interestingly enough, few years later the satellite guys missed a great opportunity to differentiate their services, and I know why. Rather than listening to my insightful advice and counsel they went out and recruited Cable TV's top programming honchos.

Think about the absurdity of this strategy; if one were trying to offer something new and unique why would one hire the same old bunch of creativity-challenged idiots? Do note that as a current customer of both I am acutely aware of the differences between the two (or the lack thereof).

Unfortunately, my monthly bill for both exceeds US$180, but that's 180 bucks that you could be getting each and every month -- and all you have to do is hire me, for no pay. That's correct: No salary, benefits, bonuses, options, vacations, personal days off, employee forms, tax/pension funds contributions; none of that profit-chipping administrative baggage. Plus my 180 bucks a month.

Of course, you may be wondering why? What's the catch? Seriously, no catch. None. All I really want is My IPTV, my way!