Good

The Internet isn't working on my new computer, sales guy tells IT. But IT is puzzled; he just spent a day duplicating the sales guy's old setup and testing connectivity. What message are you getting? IT asks. Sales guy: "I'm not getting an error message, just a page that says 'Google'." IT: What does the Internet normally look like? Sales guy: "It always says 'MSN'."

Carly Fiorina has reached a deal to pen a memoir about her dramatic career in a turbulent five-year run as Hewlett-Packard's chief executive. It's due out in late 2006.

Bad

Boss decides to upgrade his own hard drive one Friday to save sysadmin the trouble. "Please leave your computer on over the weekend so the IT security office can push updates to your box," IT tells him. But on Monday morning, boss is panic-stricken -- nothing's working, and the new 10GB hard drive is completely full. "Since he was so helpful in setting up his computer his way, by 8am Monday, helpful people on the Internet had posted and hosted over 9GB of MP3 files on his very own Napster server to share with the world," groans exasperated IT. "His response? 'See? I knew I needed a bigger hard drive!'"

Ugly

Law enforcement have had a busy week. Two people were arrested last week in Turkey and Morocco under suspicion of involvement in the recent spate of computer worms known as Zotob, Rbot and Mytob. Microsoft worked in conjunction with the Turkish and Moroccan authorities and the US Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) to nab Atilla Ekici, 21, of Turkey and Farid Essebar, 18, of Morocco. Also, the creator of Loverspy, software to surreptitiously observe individuals' online activities, has been indicted for allegedly violating US federal computer privacy laws. If convicted, Carlos Enrique Perez-Melara, could face a maximum sentence of 175 years in prison and fines of up to $US8.75 million. His current whereabouts are unknown. Perez-Melara advertised and sold Loverspy and EmailPI software over the Internet for $89 a copy to people looking to secretly monitor an individual's e-mail, passwords, chat sessions, instant messages and the Web sites they visited.