Dealing with drainers

While I hope you enjoy working with most of your colleagues, at some point in your career you've likely encountered a difficult co-worker -- a slacker, drone, manipulator or tyrannical boss. What they all have in common is they divert your attention from the tasks at hand.

Morrie Shechtman, author of "Fifth Wave Leadership, The Internal Frontier," calls anyone who sucks energy from you and impedes your work a drainer. He suggests a few ways to deal with these folks while maintaining your self-respect and credibility:

  • Set clear boundaries for your relationship. Tell the chatterer that you don't have time to listen to long stories about her child's potty-training experiences each day or the angry co-worker that you won't be an audience to his outbursts. When you follow through, you'll likely gain the respect of the drainer and cause the person to back down.

  • Provide honest, caring feedback. Tell the truth and explain how you are feeling. For example, tell a poor communicator that you are having trouble understanding what he or she wants from you. Bringing a problem to a person's attention can prompt him to work on it.

  • Don't apologize for your words. Depersonalizing your feedback by telling someone not to take it personally diminishes your message.

  • Be alert for drainers and intervene early. Nipping the bad behavior in the bud makes your feedback more meaningful and effective. Confrontation is never pleasant, but you don't want the person to grow accustomed to interacting with you in a certain way.

  • Deal with drainers at all levels. Confrontation with you boss may indeed be risky, but telling it like it is may increase your credibility with a difficult manager.

Comments

1

Anonymous

Fri 27/02/2009 - 14:25

Questions

What about people that make you feel stupid for asking questions and when you ask them make you run in circles to find information...when they could have answer it in one minute, saving time for everyone???

2

Anonymous

Sun 15/03/2009 - 12:35

it means that you should have known the answer, because they told you before. Lots of times before. It may seem "easier and faster" for YOU, but it is NOT for the person you are asking, because they have to stop what they are doing to answer you (Again!) Take responsibility and use the resources you have to FIND the answer yourself, then LEARN and REMEMBER the answers. Then the only questions left will be the meaningful ones, and SURPRISE, you will find your co-workers more than happy to help you find where to look for the answer to those!

3

Anonymous

Sun 15/03/2009 - 12:37

it means that you should have known the answer, because they told you before. Lots of times before. It may seem "easier and faster" for YOU, but it is NOT for the person you are asking, because they have to stop what they are doing to answer you (Again!) Take responsibility and use the resources you have to FIND the answer yourself, then LEARN and REMEMBER the answers. Then the only questions left will be the meaningful ones, and SURPRISE, you will find your co-workers more than happy to help you find where to look for the answer to those!

4

Anonymous

Thu 03/12/2009 - 04:42

I work for a management contract company that I love. The work we do is fulling and fun. In the last year I have had the opportunity to work at several different accounts. When we open a new account or an account isn't doing well our upper management will send in a support team. I was pleasantly surprised to be recieved so well by some and so shocked by the fear my presence seemed to cause in others. The negative way the individual responded to your comments demostrates the temperment of an individual that is threatened by a new person. You are a new dynamic and the people around you are affected by you, some in a postive way and some will feel very threatened. Do your best to be independant and keep good records of your work. Document what you learn daily and who assited you. Share these comments with your manager so that they are able to thank those team members for helping you get to a productive level. When the helpful behavior is rewrded down the line the person who was too busy to remember the day they started will know that they are going about things in a very wrong unproductive way.

5

Kasey

Sun 04/07/2010 - 11:44

I work with a drainer. I have come to dread the sight of her coming towards me with a smile on her face and questions in her eyes. Her mind is a place where questions are never answered - they simply multiply into more questions. With her, problems are never resolved - she just pushes and pushes until a simple issue that she should solve decisively starts to look like a big mess that needs to involve more people. I try to be patient, but it's gotten to the point where I automatically tense up and feel defensive as soon as I see her. She gets stuff done, but it's always at the cost of creating unnecessary work and confusion for others. Ugghh!

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.
Users posting comments agree to the Computerworld comments policy.
Login or register to link comments to your user profile, or you may also post a comment without being logged in.
Related Whitepapers
Latest Stories
Community Comments
Whitepapers
All whitepapers
Sign up now to get free exclusive access to reports, research and invitation only events.
Featured Download
/downloads/product/145/microsoft-security-essentials/

Microsoft Security Essentials

Microsoft Security Essentials provides your home PC with real-time protection. It constantly uses the latest technology ensuring that you will always stay up to date ...

Computerworld newsletter

Join the most dedicated community for IT managers, leaders and professionals in Australia